Just Get DirecTV
by kkbeatlesfan
Summary: Random spoofs of the DirecTV ads, written by me. Dedicated to CamaroEnthusiast. I'm sure she's thrilled.


**Okay, so this is just going to be my random spoofs of the DirecTV commercials, because a friend and I like to write these back and forth to each other. There will be a brief explanation before each one, so hopefully you'll understand. If not, I apologize. This is dedicated to CamaroEnthusiast. I love you. :D**

**So, first of all, this one was written back a few months ago when DirecTV was throwing a fit over Viacom's prices, and Comedy Central went off the air for DirecTV customers for a week or so, forcing me to miss all-important episodes of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. I'm also a big fan of the National Geographic program, Amish: Out of Order, which is also referenced.**

Your television provider stopped carrying Comedy Central, so you begin to get bored.

When you begin to get bored, you begin taking up cloth weaving.

When you take up cloth weaving, you realize you're no good at cloth weaving (cue a photo of me getting jabbed with a knitting needle.)

When you're no good at cloth weaving, you take a cloth weaving class.

When you take a cloth weaving class, you meet a hot Amish guy named Amos.

When you meet a hot Amish guy named Amos, you marry a hot Amish guy named Amos.

When you marry a hot Amish guy named Amos, you get in an unfortunate buggy wreck and die.

Don't get into an unfortunate buggy wreck and die

**This one is just about worrying, and falling in love with an amazing vegan like Jason Mraz. Enjoy.**

A storm just took out your satellite dish, so you begin to worry.

When you begin to worry, your mind begins to wander.

When your mind begins to wander, you worry about other things.

When you worry about other things, you begin eating organic foods.

When you begin eating organic foods, you go to organic farms.

When you go to organic farms, you meet Jason Mraz.

When you meet Jason Mraz, you fall in love with Jason Mraz.

When you fall in love with Jason Mraz, you go on an all-vegan diet.

When you go on an all-vegan diet, you sneak away to have a secret love affair with bacon.

Don't have a secret love affair with bacon.

**This one is about the mystical wonder of ice skating championships on NBC… I'm sorry for those who enjoy them… peace.**

When you don't get a good cable package, your channel selection sucks.

When your channel selection sucks, you watch NBC.

When you watch NBC, you start watching boring ice-skating championships.

When you start watching boring ice-skating championships, they become less boring.

When they become less boring, they become more exciting.

When they become more exciting, you say, "Oh, I can do that!"

When you say "Oh, I can do that!" you buy a spandex, glittery red suit.

When you buy a glittery, spandex red suit, you buy some skates.

When you buy some skates, you go skating.

When you go skating, you realize it's the beginning of December.

When you realize it's the beginning of December, you fall through a hole in the ice.

When you fall through a hole in the ice, you turn blue (Like a Smurf) and drown.

Don't turn into a smurf and drown!

**So, this one. Just a complete touch of random (but aren't they all?) about how I'm a tall person living in a short person's world. **

When your cable goes out, you begin to get bored.

When you begin to get bored, you fall asleep.

When you fall asleep, you sleep too late.

When you sleep too late, you don't go to work.

When you don't go to work, you get fired from your job.

When you get fired from your job, you lose your house and everything with it.

When you lose your house and everything with it, you move back in with your parents.

When you move back in with your parents, your mother does your laundry.

When your mother does your laundry, she sticks your favorite jeans in the dryer.

When your mother sticks your favorite jeans in the dryer, the jeans shrink.

When your jeans shrink, you wear short pants in the middle of winter.

When you wear short pants in the middle of winter, you get made fun of.

When you get made fun of, you take matters into your own hands.

When you take matters into your own hands, you decide to amputate part of your leg.

When you decide to amputate part of your leg, you amputate part of your leg.

Don't amputate part of your leg. Get DirecTV.


End file.
